The 4 Emotional Needs

by | Apr 26, 2024 | Start Here, The 4 Emotional Needs

Meet the 4 Emotional Needs
All children have four emotional needs that must be met. If you are working on meeting their four emotional needs, here’s what you can expect.
  1. Your relationship with your children will grow stronger
  2. Your children’s cooperation will improve
  3. Your children will learn and practice good values
  4. You will increase the likelihood your children will make good choices when you are not around.
I call these the 4 Parenting Objectives. If you are not meeting your children’s four emotional needs, you are struggling. How do I know that? Because these emotional needs are hard wired into all children. They long to have these needs met. If these needs are not met, they struggle. When they struggle, they act out and you can expect to see the kind of behavior that drives you crazy. Behavior like:
  • Whining
  • Teasing
  • Fighting
  • Interrupting
  • Ignoring
  • Tantrums
  • Disrespect
  • Back-talk
  • Defiance
  • Fighting among siblings
  • Lying
When children are struggling, they are hurting, emotionally, inside. Emotional pain can cause children to go down dark paths that lead to:
  • Drug and alcohol addiction
  • Unplanned teenage pregnancies
  • Poverty and homelessness
  • Crime and incarceration
  • Acts of terrorism
  • Pornography addiction
  • Gang involvement
  • Violence
  • Failed marriages
  • Child abuse
  • Suicide
But it doesn’t have to be that way. When you meet the 4 Emotional Needs, you put yourself on a course to achieve the 4 Parenting Objectives. Your children will struggle less. YOU will struggle less. When you meet the 4 Emotional Needs, you will achieve the 4 Parenting Objectives naturally and automatically.

How Do You Meet the 4 Emotional Needs?

I’ve read dozens of parenting books and studied countless parenting websites. I’ve listened to speeches given by parenting experts. I’ve talked with hundreds of incarcerated men who grew up without having their four emotional needs met. I’ve observed struggling parents who do not know about the 4 Emotional Needs, and I see their children struggling. I’ve done the research so you don’t have to. I have discovered 15 parenting skills that serve to meet the 4 Emotional Needs. Do the skills to meet the needs. Meet the needs to achieve the objectives.

The Four Parenting Objectives

  1. Relationship
  2. Cooperation
  3. Good values
  4. Good choices

The 4 Emotional Needs

  1. Sense of belonging
  2. Sense of personal power
  3. To be heard and understood
  4. Boundaries

The 15 Essential Dad Skills

  • Skill #1: Spend one-on-one time
  • Skill #2: Spend family time together
  • Skill #3: Get to know your children
  • Skill #4: Make positive deposits
  • Skill #5: Give choices
  • Skill #6: Teach life skills
  • Skill #7: Set goals with your children
  • Skill #8: Acknowledge negative feelings
  • Skill #9: Give attention to good behavior
  • Skill #10: Making requests
  • Skill #11: Teach values
  • Skill #12: Create rules
  • Skill #13: Enforce rules
  • Skill #14: Use consequences wisely
  • Skill #15: Problem-solve together
I developed an easy way to visualize this process.
Parenting model

I created this website and its companion book to introduce you to the 4 Emotional Needs and the 15 Essential Parenting Skills.

I want to give you tools to keep your children off dark paths leading to addiction and unhappiness, and at the same time, help you to decrease your struggling and enjoy the parenting journey.