You live by values whether you know it or not. You can identify your values by filling in the blank: It’s important to be ______.  For example, it’s important to be hard working. It’s important to be respectful. You live by the values you feel are important.

There are also values that might be considered “negative values.” They would include, lying, selfishness, arrogance, procrastination, rudeness, disrespect, wastefulness and defiance. Children and adults adopt negative values for reasons that include:

1. They haven’t been taught “positive values”
2. They were taught negative values by watching someone model those values
3. Negative values help them meet their need for personal power

Children learn values as they grow up. They learn values by watching and modeling mom and dad. They learn values from watching TV and movies, from their peers, and from social media.

If mom and dad do not model and teach their children positive values, their children will learn from people who may not have their best interest at heart.

Children who do not live by mom and dad’s values are destined to live by someone else’s.

For example, here are some values that children might learn from sources outside the family:

• It’s important to have power over women.
• It’s important to get revenge.
• It’s important to feel the rush of watching pornography.
• It’s important to numb emotional pain with drugs.
• It’s important to cheat in school.
• It’s important to receive peer approval by sexting or drinking alcohol.
• It’s important to do whatever brings immediate pleasure.
• It’s important to put down other people who are different than you are.

Parents need to pass good values on to their children. Here are the three steps to do that:

1. Model the value
2. Teach the value
3. Give recognition when a value is practiced

Model the Value

Your kids are watching you. You are their model; their example. They learn by observing. Your example affects your children’s behavior more than telling them what to do. If you tell your kids not to smoke, drink, or swear, but you don’t model those behaviors yourself, they’re more likely to do those things when you’re not around.

Teach The Value

When you model a value, it’s easy to teach it. You simply talk about the value.

When do you talk about values? As soon as your children are old enough to understand. Where do you teach? Around the dinner table, at family meetings, while walking the dog together, when in the car together, when sitting around the campfire, when tucking kids into bed.

Give Recognition When the Value is Practiced

When you give attention to a behavior, that behavior is reinforced and the chance of that behavior being repeated increases. When a child does something good, you can give recognition to the value that is behind the behavior.

First, recognize the good behavior. “Wow! You really cleaned the kitchen.” Then tack on a value statement: “That was very thoughtful of you. “Thoughtful” is the value. By adding on a value statement, you reinforce the value, which encourages the child to repeat it.

Here are some more examples:

• Thank you for telling the truth. That shows honesty.
• Thank you for rocking the baby to sleep. That was very helpful of you.
• I saw you share your toy. That was very unselfish of you.
• I noticed that you didn’t hit your sister back. That showed a lot of self control.