Spending one-on-one-time is the number one, irreplaceable, best way to meet each child’s need to feel a sense of belonging.

It communicates that you value them and consider them to be an important part of the family.  It gives them what they most desperately want from you: your complete attention. If they can get that, their negative attention-seeking behaviors are no longer needed.

Think about this: If you don’t spend one-on-one time with each child, you will end up spending at least that same amount of time dealing with their negative behaviors.

Wouldn’t you rather spend time preventing problems than fixing them? Wouldn’t you rather enjoy having a good time with your children rather than fighting with them?

If you are having issues with your child such as

• whining
• clinging
• teasing
• not listening
• back-talking
• defiance
• or fighting with siblings,

spending one-on-one time with your child is the first place to start, because these are not discipline problems, they are relationship problems.

You won’t believe what a difference practicing this skill will make in your child’s behavior. Here’s the skill in a little more detail:

Each parent spends uninterrupted time with each child, every day, doing what the child likes to do.

Here is the ideal way to use this skill:

1. Give this skill a more personal name, like, “Daddy-Kaitlyn Time” and “Mommy-Kaitlyn Time.”
2. Choose a time every day and put it on the calendar so each child can look forward to it. That’s right; you will schedule your day around each child’s one-on-one time with you. I want to impress upon you the importance of this skill.
3. Spend uninterrupted time with each child every day for at least 15 minutes. If the child is being raised by two parents, then both parents need to practice this skill.
4. Give 100% of your attention to your child. No distractions. No siblings. No cell phones.
5. Let your child decide how your time is to be spent. If she can’t think of anything, then you get to offer a couple of choices: “Hmmm. Do you want to play some catch or throw the Frisbee?” This might be a good time to teach life skills: “We could bake up some brownies or how about we make some cookies?”
6. This is not a time to talk about their dirty room, chores not completed, or needed self-improvements – unless they bring it up.
7. Never threaten to cancel personal time as a way to improve behavior: “If you misbehave like that again, no Daddy-Kaitlyn Time today.” That is like saying, “If you continue to stay sick, I will stop giving you medicine.”