Skill #1 is Spend One-On-One Time. Simply put, it means:
Each parent spends uninterrupted time with each child, every day, doing what the child likes to do.
This is the single most important parenting skill. It is the foundation of the other 14 essential parenting skills. Putting this skill to use makes all the other skills work better.
This skill helps parents meet their children’s first three emotional needs:
- A sense of belonging
- A sense of personal power
- To be heard and understood
By meeting these needs, parents strengthen the relationshps they have with their children. Spending one-on-one time gives kids postive attention.
When children receive positive attention, they have no need to use negative attention-seeking behaviors like whining, acting helpless, interrupting, fighting with siblings, or power-seeking behaviors like power struggles and acts of defiance.
Tantrums will decrease and cooperation will increase.
Putting this skill to use will help parents strengthen their relationships with their children.
With this skill, you are preventing unwanted behavior from happening.
When you are doing one-on-one time, ignore other distractions. It is said that the best gift you can give your children is your undivided attention.
When you practice this skill every day, your communication will improve because you will be meeting the third emotional need: To be heard an understood.
How much time are we talking about here?
How much time can you give? Three minutes? Ten minutes? Twenty minutes a day?
How many days a week?
Every day including holidays.
You will probably spend less time with your children as they become teenagers, but it is still important to do things with them regularly. They need that.
Spending one-on-one time with more than one child is called Family Time. And although family time is important. One-on-one time take priority.
I just don’t have the time
This skill is going to SAVE you time. You’ll spend less time dealing with unwanted attention-getting and power-seeking behavior. You kids will be more cooperative. They might complain (and that’s okay), but they will help out more with family tasks.
In her book, The “Me, Me, Me” Epidemic, Amy McCready calls this skill, Mind, Body and Soul Time. She says it “works miracles for families across the globe.” She says, “Parents who consistently use this tool describe it as the magic bullet or game changer.” (p.19)
I’ve read where other authors have made similar claims.
Kids need time when they don’t have to compete with siblings or other matters that grab your attention. Make your kids your highest priority.
For young children, what if you did one-on-one time twice a day? Try it and see how it affects their behavior.
This post gives you enough information to get started. You can learn more about Skill #1 from my book.
I hope I’ve inspired you to work on spending one-on-one time until it becomes a habit. It will when you see the positive results.