3. Meet the 4 Emotional Needs

Children’s behavior is not random. It is driven by four emotional needs.

4. Emotional Needs 1 and 2

There are four emotional needs that drive behavior. In this mini-lesson, we look at the first two: The need for a sense of belonging and the need for a sense of personal power.

5. Emotional Needs 3 and 4

We looked at the first two needs in the previous mini-lesson. In this mini-lesson we look at the last two: The need to be heard and understood and the need for boundaries.

6. Put Relationship Before Discipline

Without a good relationship, forget about setting or enforcing boundaries. Your kids won’t care.

7. The Key to Good Parenting

The key to being a good parent is simpler than you might think.

8. Skill #1 – Spend One-On-One Time

You cannot meet your child’s need for a sense of belonging without doing this.

9. Activities for One-On-One Time

A few ideas to try for one-on-one time.

10. Skill #2 – Spend Family Time Together

Family activities strengthen relationships between you and your children. Plus, they strengthen relationships between your children and their siblings.

11. Skill #3 – Get to Know Your Kids

Your children want to tell you, but only if they feel safe.

12. Skill #4 – Make Positive Emotional Deposits

If you have a high, positive balance in your child’s emotional bank account, the level of trust is high, communication is open and free, and your ability to influence that child is increased dramatically.

13. Skill #5 – Give Choices

Giving children choices gives them a sense of personal power, and when a child has a couple of options to consider, putting up a struggle might not even cross her mind.

14. Skill #6 – Teach Life Skills

Prepare your children to become independent adults with the knowledge and ability to take good care of themselves and make good choices.

15. Skill #7 – Set Goals with Your Kids

Achieving goals helps children feel a higher sense of self-worth, self-confidence, and personal power.

16. The Danger of Denying Negative Feelings

One of the biggest mistakes parents make is to deny their children the opportunity to express negative feelings.

17. Skill #8 – Acknowledge Negative Feelings

How important is this to your children’s emotional health? As important as food, water and air is to their physical health.

18. How to Acknowledge Negative Feelings

A skill every parent should master.

19. An Argument for Listening

We were talking about values and consequences. One of my students stood up and said, “That’s it. I’m out of here,” and left the classroom.

20. Skill #9 – Give Attention to Good Behavior

Giving attention to good behavior reinforces the behavior and motivates children to cooperate.

21. Skill #10 – Making Requests

“My kids won’t listen!” is one of parents’ biggest complaints. The solution may be easier than you think.

22. Skill #11 – Teach Values

Children live by their values. Values guide their every choice and can keep them from getting into trouble.

23. Skill #12 – Create Rules

Raising children is like raising cattle. You keep cattle safe in the pasture with a sturdy fence. You keep children safe within boundaries by creating rules.

24. Skill #13 – Enforce Rules

Your children will disobey rules. All kids do. It’s a good idea to know what to do when that happens.

25. Enforce Rules – Part 1

1) Describe what you see. 2) Use one word. 3) Express how you feel. 4) Include “Because” and tack on an agreement. 5) Use soft criticism.

26. Enforce Rules – Part 2

6) Stop, redirect, reward. 7) When-Then statements. 8) Give advance warning. 9) Cooling-off period.

27. Skill #14 – Use Consequences Wisely

28. Skill #15 – Problem-Solve Together

Use problem-solving with your child when that child has difficulty meeting an expectation or following a rule.

29. Tantrums

Tantrums are a normal part of a child’s development and growth. Knowing that, however, does not make them any less frustrating and perplexing.

30. Aggressive Behavior

Children cannot feel “bad” and behave “good”. Look for the reason behind bad behavior. There is always a reason.

31. Lying

When you send the message that your children can feel safe telling the truth, they will start telling the truth.

32. Sibling Rivalry

Another sibling doesn’t mean another friend, it means more competition for Mom and Dad’s attention.

33. Disrespectful Backtalk

You can consider backtalk a personal attack, or see it for what it really is: a cry for emotional needs to be met.

34. What Next?

You got this.