To achieve the 4 Objectives, Meet the 4 Emotional Needs.
There can be many reasons for misbehavior. You might be aware of some of them:
- Physical discomfort like hunger, fatigue, or illness
- Hormonal changes like puberty
- Psychological issues like attention deficit disorder (ADD), attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), oppositional defiant disorder (ODD) and autism to name a few
- Parental separation or divorce
- Death of a parent or sibling
- Parental incarceration
- Sexual abuse
- Traumatic accident or experience
There is, however, one reason for misbehavior that is common among all children:
They have four emotional needs that are not being properly met.
I call them The 4 Emotional Needs.
All children are born with 4 emotional needs that are wired into their brains. Every child craves to have these needs met even though they are not consciously aware of it. They can’t help but seek after them. It’s what they were born to do. It is one thing you can always count on.
Knowing this can be very helpful because when you meet these needs, their behavior changes – it improves. Even if children are challenged by one or more of the situations listed above, meeting these 4 emotional needs will help you achieve the 4 Objectives.
Failure to meet these needs will harm your relationship. It will result in unwanted behavior. It will increase the odds your child will make poor choices when you are not around, and frustrate your attempt at building a strong family.
Look. Many parents who want to improve their child’s behavior focus on their child’s behavior instead of focusing on what’s causing it.
They try to improve behavior by using methods of control, like punishing, threatening, lecturing, spanking, time-outs, screaming and counting to three.
They do these things because they don’t know a better way, and because they work – but only for a short time. Misbehavior is guaranteed to return.
Why?
Because the 4 emotional needs are not being met.
I’m going to show you how to change your focus from the behavior to meeting the 4 emotional needs. When you do that, you’ll find that you will no longer need to use methods of control to get your children to cooperate.
When you meet The 4 Emotional Needs, behavior improves naturally and automatically.
Here are The 4 Emotional Needs:
- A sense of belonging
- A sense of personal power
- To be heard and understood
- Limits and boundaries
Now when someone asks you, “How do you be a good dad?” “How do you be a good mom?” you can respond with:
Meet the 4 Emotional Needs
The next Mini-Lesson will explain these needs in more detail. They are the key to understanding behavior and achieving the 4 Objectives.