I’m Richard O’Keef. And this is my family.

You may be thinking, “Who is this guy to be giving out parenting advice?” Let me give you the short version of my story.

When I was a young parent, I didn’t know how to be a dad. In fact, you could say I was clueless. I had no stable father figure in my life that I could hold up as a model.

My kids would whine, tease, fight, dawdle, interrupt, throw tantrums, and ignore me when I asked them to do something. They would tell me “No,” back-talk, and be defiant. I was overwhelmed and stressed-out.

It was not what I had expected.

I tried the only things I could think of to control my children’s behavior: screaming, punishing, lecturing, bribing, and threatening. It was exhausting work, and the result was only a temporary improvement in their behavior. It certainly didn’t lead to anybody being happier.

I learned later that the problem was not my children. They were just acting like normal children who were being raised by a clueless dad.

Then one day I came to realize that things had better change or I was in trouble and so were my children. I needed to learn to be a better parent.

I bought parenting books and attended lectures on parenting. I also listened to cassette tapes—it’s true, I’ve been around that long.

The first thing I learned was how many parenting books there were. They seemed to be endless. I asked myself, do all these books teach something different? And, how many books am I going to have to read to learn all the parenting skills I need?

Many books were hard to read or too complex for an average guy like me. Many of them contained what I considered “fluff” (nonessential material that could have been left out). I kept looking for that ONE book that was easy to read, easy to understand, with step-by-step instructions to all the parenting skills I needed. I never found it.

I sifted through book after book, gleaning what advice I considered useful, and tried it out on my kids.

Fast forward a few years—okay, a lot of years. My six children are grown now, with families of their own. Just for the record, they turned out pretty good. They are confident, responsible, and great parents themselves. I feel blessed that I recognized the need to make changes when I did.

I continued to study parenting even after my children left the nest. I wanted to learn what I could have done better.

And yes, there were more things I wish I had done back then.

I would have spent more time with each of my children. I would have gotten to know them better; their likes and dislikes, their worries and fears, and their opinions about things. I would have made a greater effort to know their friends better. I would have listened more. I would have tried harder to eliminate criticism and sarcasm, and I would have kept a journal.

I can’t change the past, but I can share with you what has taken me decades to learn so you can have all the essential information you need to be the best parent you can be with no regrets.

In 2016, I was hired by Utah State University as a Fatherhood Educator, a fancy title for someone who teaches dads how to be better dads.

They hired me to teach fatherhood classes at the State Prison and in the county jails, with the idea that if incarcerated dads can stop the cycle of abuse and learn effective parenting skills, they would find joy in raising their kids and never return to jail.

Most of my students had young lives filled with trauma. I ask myself, would their lives have taken a different turn had their parents known about the things taught on this website and in my book?

I have combed through dozens of parenting books, listened to many podcasts, attended numerous lectures, and visited countless websites concerning parenting.

I have gathered what I consider to be the essential parenting skills from among the resources I have studied. I am certain that any parent who is struggling can reduce the struggling and become a more effective, confident, and competent parent by learning and practicing these skills.

All of the skills I teach help to meet one or more of the 4 Emotional Needs that are hard-wired into every child. Teaching the 4 Emotional Needs is my unique way of helping parents become the best parents they can be.

The picture at the top was taken in 2022 at Bear Lake in Northern Utah at a family reunion. We are standing on what used to be water. But at that time, there was a drought, and the lake was very low.

Today, I have six children, five sons-in-law, one daughter-in-law, 23 grandchildren and two and a half great-grandchildren.