Mini-lessons
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1. Reduce the Struggling
When parents struggle, their kids struggle too. When children struggle, that’s when they get into trouble and start down paths leading to unhappiness.
2. The 4 Parenting Objectives
Get acquainted with the 4 objectives this website will help you achieve.
3. Meet the 4 Emotional Needs
Children’s behavior is not random. It is driven by four emotional needs.
4. Emotional Needs 1 and 2
There are four emotional needs that drive behavior. In this mini-lesson, we look at the first two: The need for a sense of belonging and the need for a sense of personal power.
5. Emotional Needs 3 and 4
We looked at the first two needs in the previous mini-lesson. In this mini-lesson we look at the last two: The need to be heard and understood and the need for boundaries.
6. Put Relationship Before Discipline
Without a good relationship, forget about setting or enforcing boundaries. Your kids won’t care.
7. The Key to Good Parenting
The key to being a good parent is simpler than you might think.
Sense of Belonging
8. Skill #1 – Spend One-On-One Time
You cannot meet your child’s need for a sense of belonging without doing this.
9. Activities for One-On-One Time
A few ideas to try for one-on-one time.
10. Skill #2 – Spend Family Time Together
Family activities strengthen relationships between you and your children. Plus, they strengthen relationships between your children and their siblings.
11. Skill #3 – Get to Know Your Kids
Your children want to tell you, but only if they feel safe.
12. Skill #4 – Make Positive Emotional Deposits
If you have a high, positive balance in your child’s emotional bank account, the level of trust is high, communication is open and free, and your ability to influence that child is increased dramatically.
Sense of Personal Power
13. Skill #5 – Give Choices
Giving children choices gives them a sense of personal power, and when a child has a couple of options to consider, putting up a struggle might not even cross her mind.
14. Skill #6 – Teach Life Skills
Prepare your children to become independent adults with the knowledge and ability to take good care of themselves and make good choices.
15. Skill #7 – Set Goals with Your Kids
Achieving goals helps children feel a higher sense of self-worth, self-confidence, and personal power.
To be Heard and Understood
16. The Danger of Denying Negative Feelings
One of the biggest mistakes parents make is to deny their children the opportunity to express negative feelings.
17. Skill #8 – Acknowledge Negative Feelings
How important is this to your children’s emotional health? As important as food, water and air is to their physical health.
18. How to Acknowledge Negative Feelings
A skill every parent should master.
19. An Argument for Listening
We were talking about values and consequences. One of my students stood up and said, “That’s it. I’m out of here,” and left the classroom.
Boundaries
20. Skill #9 – Give Attention to Good Behavior
Giving attention to good behavior reinforces the behavior and motivates children to cooperate.
21. Skill #10 – Making Requests
“My kids won’t listen!” is one of parents’ biggest complaints. The solution may be easier than you think.
22. Skill #11 – Teach Values
Children live by their values. Values guide their every choice and can keep them from getting into trouble.
23. Skill #12 – Create Rules
Raising children is like raising cattle. You keep cattle safe in the pasture with a sturdy fence. You keep children safe within boundaries by creating rules.
24. Skill #13 – Enforce Rules
Your children will disobey rules. All kids do. It’s a good idea to know what to do when that happens.
25. Enforce Rules – Part 1
1) Describe what you see. 2) Use one word. 3) Express how you feel. 4) Include “Because” and tack on an agreement. 5) Use soft criticism.
26. Enforce Rules – Part 2
6) Stop, redirect, reward. 7) When-Then statements. 8) Give advance warning. 9) Cooling-off period.
27. Skill #14 – Use Consequences Wisely
28. Skill #15 – Problem-Solve Together
Use problem-solving with your child when that child has difficulty meeting an expectation or following a rule.
Common Situations and How to Approach Them
29. Tantrums
Tantrums are a normal part of a child’s development and growth. Knowing that, however, does not make them any less frustrating and perplexing.
30. Aggressive Behavior
Children cannot feel “bad” and behave “good”. Look for the reason behind bad behavior. There is always a reason.
31. Lying
When you send the message that your children can feel safe telling the truth, they will start telling the truth.
32. Sibling Rivalry
Another sibling doesn’t mean another friend, it means more competition for Mom and Dad’s attention.
33. Disrespectful Backtalk
You can consider backtalk a personal attack, or see it for what it really is: a cry for emotional needs to be met.
34. What Next?
You got this.